After All Outtakes and Deleted Scenes
by Scorp112
Summary: A series of outtakes and deleted scenes for the story, After All.
1. Patrón and Realizations

Thanks as always to my beta's - **AddictedtoEdward and Ms. Ambrosia.**

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

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This outtake takes place between Chapter 7 and Chapter 8 in **After All**.

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**EPOV**

It had been a long twenty-four hours.

The three that had passed since I saw Bella in the E.R. had been the longest yet.

As soon as the clock hit eight, I was out the door. On the way home, I called Tanya from the car and told her that I couldn't make the date we had planned for that night.

She was irate and demanded answers.

I had none to give her.

So I apologized and told her I would see her at the hospital tomorrow morning when my next shift began.

I entered the condo, hoping that Emmett was somewhere else. Work, Rosalie's, even at Alice and Bella's…

_Bella._

I slammed the front door, locking it before striding up the hallway. Marching into my bedroom, I started stripping as soon as I hit the bathroom door. Naked, I walked to the shower and turned on the water so it would warm up.

Walking over to the double sink, I leaned on the counter. I stared down at the gleaming porcelain countertop, not really seeing it. I could only think of one thing…

_Bella. _

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I'm sure if I looked in the mirror I would see it standing on end, and I'm positive my face would be pale, with dark circles below my eyes. Turning, I entered the shower and ducked my head under the pulsing water. All I could do was think of the last few hours, could think only of _her_ – her panic, her pain, her relationship with that Jake guy, my reaction to her. She consumed me.

_Bella._

I shut the water off and grabbed a towel from the bar next to the shower. Moving back into my bedroom, I ran it absentmindedly over the drops running down my body. I scrubbed the towel over my hair, and then tossed it to the floor by the bathroom door. Opening my armoire, I pulled out a t-shirt, a pair of sweats and a hoodie, throwing them over my still damp body.

Making my way through the apartment to the bar Emmett and I had put in the corner of the living room, I grabbed a bottle of Fat Tire beer from the mini fridge. I used the bottle opener to twist the cap off, before walking through the living room and out onto the rooftop terrace. The night was cold, but clear and it was just what I needed to think.

About Bella.

Seeing her had brought back feelings I had forgotten over the years. Or more accurately, feelings I had purposely ignored by burying myself in the demands of my schooling and my job.

_Because it fucking hurt._

She had hurt me and she didn't even know it.

I was going to need something stronger than beer if I was going to get through tonight and the thoughts and feelings I had been suppressing of her.

_Tequila. _

I left my beer sitting on the table next to my Adirondack chair and went back to the bar. Grabbing the bottle of Patrón and a shot glass, I sent up a silent wish hoping Emmett would stay gone. If I was going to deliberately think about what I'd been ignoring for ten years, I needed to be alone.

I settled back down into the chair, pouring a shot and swigging it back. It burned as it went down, but it was a burn I welcomed. I closed my eyes and thought back to the first day I had seen Bella. How her blush stained her cheeks, and the way that she bit her lower lip. There was something that drew me to her that I didn't understand, but I just knew that I wanted – no, needed – to be closer to her and soak her in. When my mother came storming in, yelling my name, the moment had been lost and I didn't get the chance to see her again before she left for her summer in Jacksonville.

I'd tried to forget the girl with the beautiful brown eyes and the long, milky legs. She was obviously just out of high school and I was about to be a senior in college. I was also a little afraid of the wrath of Chief Swan if I attempted to date his little girl. The fact that I lived across the country also deterred any thought of pursuing Bella, but the age difference and her father's possible reaction didn't hurt.

A year later, I returned to Forks for the summer before I was scheduled to begin medical school. I tried to blame the excitement for my visit on my graduation from Dartmouth, summa cum laude, or that I would be able to reconnect with friends from high school.

I had been lying to myself.

My family had come out for my graduation from Dartmouth and following the dinner we'd had after my graduation ceremony, Emmett, Alice and I had gone out to celebrate. We had been drinking and dancing the night away and I decided I could ask the questions that had been on my mind for the last fucking year – questions that I had been too cowardly to ask before then. Emmett had been chatting it up with the blonde DJ, so Alice and I had been left at the bar by ourselves, knocking back shots of SoCo and lime. As Alice had taken her third shot, I'd casually asked her how her friend Bella was and what she was up to those days. Alice told me Bella had been attending Sacramento State and was supposed to be spending the summer with Charlie in Forks.

It'd been extremely hard not to stand up and dance on the goddamn bar when I realized that not only would Bella be in Forks all summer, we would also be less than two hours away from each other when she returned to college and I started medical school in the fall. I had been accepted at the University of California – San Francisco three months before.

It was fucking fate.

So my excitement about being home in Forks had very little to do that I was newly graduated or catching up with old friends and had everything to do with the fact that the girl of my dreams would be in the same town. I could finally have the chance to have a real, non-interrupted conversation with her. I could casually mention our proximity come August and suggest that maybe we find a way to see each other and hang out. I thought it was a fool-proof plan.

Except she never came to Forks.

Alice was devastated that she was going to be separated from her best friend for another year, but Bella had been offered the opportunity to study abroad in England for the summer. Alice would have to wait until winter break to see Bella again. It was another missed opportunity for me.

I could have – should have – called her when I got to San Francisco. Alice would have given me her number and I could have passed my call off as something like "Hey, just moved here, you're two hours away. Want to help your best friend's older brother get used to the California lifestyle?"

But I never asked for her number, so I never called her. I was a fucking coward, completely unsure of myself when it came to Bella. I had never lacked for female companionship, but I'd gotten used to having girls approach me. I couldn't remember the last time I actually had to initiate a conversation with someone I was attracted to; they usually found me, made it clear they were interested and I went along with the ride if the feeling was mutual. I was in over my head when it came to actually approaching someone I was interested in.

I was also completely overwhelmed with medical school.

School had always come easily to me. Even at Dartmouth, I had to put forth little more than minimal effort. It was just too easy. Medical school changed that. I found myself studying at all hours of the day. Sometimes I forgot to eat, and I fell asleep more than once at a table in the library, drooling into my immunology book.

The next time I saw Bella was three years later, at Alice's college graduation party. We exchanged small talk when she first arrived and her beauty had still amazed me. She'd projected a sense of confidence and sexiness that she must've grown into while away at school. It took everything I had just to focus on forming coherent sentences while we spoke. My mother had stolen her away after just a few minutes, and it was then that I'd decided that I was going to ask her out. Thanks to Alice, I knew we'd both be in town on vacation for the next week and I figured it was about time to, as Emmett would say, "nut up or shut up."

I spent the rest of the party trying to find a moment where I could catch her alone, but fate had been against me. Every time I got a minute to myself, she would be talking to someone. Every time she was alone, I was busy being introduced to yet another one of my mother's friends' daughters. I tugged on my hair in frustration so often I was surprised I had any left on my head.

I'd finally had enough, and even though I could see Bella speaking to some douchebag – Newton, I think Alice had said his name was – I decided it was now or never. Her back was to me and as I walked toward her, I took in the beauty of her long hair falling down her back and the smooth curve of her ass. I was going to do this. I _had_ to do this. I'd spent four years pining after this girl, and I wasn't about to waste a second more.

Then I heard her tell Douchebag Newton that she had a boyfriend and she wasn't interested in dating anyone else. She and Joe were very happy together.

_Well, fuck._

It didn't stop me from hoping. For another two years, I questioned Alice carefully, wondering how serious she was with this Joe guy and silently hoping I'd hear they broke up. When Alice told me they moved had moved in together after Bella's graduation from Graduate School, I stopped asking.

_Because it hurt. _

I could probably count the number of sentences we had spoken to each other on both hands. Our conversations had always been very brief and formal, but it didn't change the fact that that day in my parents' kitchen, I had taken one look at Bella Swan and had fallen head over heels in love.

Taking another shot of Patrón, I finally admitted to myself what I had spent the last ten years denying.

_I loved Bella Swan. _

There was no logical explanation for my feelings. From the moment Alice had mentioned her name in the restaurant three months ago, the feelings I had for Bella – feelings I had thought I buried good and deep - had come to life. At the time, I had no idea what they were; I couldn't put a name to how I was feeling or everything that was going through my mind. I didn't want to think about them and explore what they might mean, so I buried myself in my work and in Tanya, trying to drive whatever it was out of my system.

I thought it had worked, because Bella had stopped being someone I thought of every five minutes. I wasn't flashing back to that moment when I had first seen her in our house in Forks or the devastated feeling I had when I heard her say that she was happy with her boyfriend. I had mentally and physically exhausted myself, convincing myself that my life hadn't changed – wouldn't change – with the fact that Bella was living back in Washington. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything.

That shit reasoning flew out the window when I heard she was hurt.

It became a moot point when I looked into her deep brown eyes and touched her smooth, pale skin.

Running from it, hiding from it and pretending it didn't exist hadn't worked.

I had fallen head over heels for Isabella Swan ten years ago.

I stood up and stretched, leaving the bottles of liquor and my shot glass on the terrace. Stripping down to my boxer briefs, I climbed into bed, feeling the weight of world slide off my shoulders. Consciously or not, I had come to a decision.

I was done acting like a coward, hiding from and ignoring what my heart had been trying to tell me for the last ten years.

_I loved Bella Swan. _

Now that she was back in my life, I was going to do everything in my power to keep her there.

And make her mine.


	2. The Breakup

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No beta for this outtake, so please forgive any mistakes!!

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**The Breakup - EPOV**

"Hello, I'm Dr. Tanya Jackson, Edward's girlfriend."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit!_

_FUUUUUUCK!_

I didn't really want to have this conversation here and now, but it seemed as though the choice has been taken out of my hands. Of course, if I hadn't been such a pussy for the last few days, then this wouldn't even be happening.

_Days, Dickmunch? Try weeks. Better yet, try months. This could have been over months ago and this confrontation you're about to have would be just a really shitty nightmare. _

When my relationship with Tanya first began, it'd been more about scratching an itch and keeping loneliness at bay than it had been about falling in love with someone. We'd known each other for almost five years and we'd worked well together. When she asked me out for drinks one night I accepted and things just happened from there. From the very first night we spent together, we'd agreed to keep things casual.

After three months of frequent fucks and very easygoing dates, we'd had the "Where is this going?" conversation. Both of us agreed that we were enjoying our time together and we'd keep things as they were.

It had_ seemed_ like a good idea at the time.

Then I began to see a side of Tanya I hadn't ever noticed before. I wasn't thrilled with her bitchy, condescending attitude, but we were under a lot of stress at work, so I ignored it. Six months into my relationship with her, Emmett confronted me on Tanya's behavior and it became abundantly clear that I wasn't the only one annoyed with her shit-tacular attitude.

But being the idiot that I am, I refused to admit that I was growing increasingly unhappy with Tanya and our relationship. I thought the great sex we had and her brilliance would continue to be enough for me.

It didn't help matters that I was fed up with having relationships that never lasted long. I was determined to make my relationship with Tanya work for the mere fact that I wanted to prove I was a healthy adult who could have a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of dates and some mediocre fucks.

So I stuck it out, even though I wasn't into it. It was unfair to Tanya, but it just seemed easier that way. I kept hoping that once things relaxed at work, she would go back to the brilliant, nice doctor I had once admired.

It never happened.

I began distancing myself from her. I knew Tanya knew something was up, but she never asked me about it and I didn't offer any explanations for my behavior. What she did do was start talking about the two of us moving in together and pushing to meet my parents. I deflected or ignored those conversations and distanced myself from her even further. It was a shitty thing for me to do, but I was trying to buy some time to figure out what I wanted.

Seeing Bella again had made the decision for me. I had no choice but to tell Tanya that our relationship was over.

It wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to having. I knew Tanya would see our breakup as a failure, and it wouldn't be something she'd accept easily. Tanya didn't know the meaning of failure. Our breakup was definitely not going to be amicable. I knew I had to do it though, because I wanted to be free to pursue Bella. I should've found Tanya the very night I decided I wanted to be with Bella and told her it was over.

But like an idiot, I waited too long.

Actually, I _had _tried to talk to Tanya throughout the week, but she blocked my every attempt to speak with her alone. I had finally gotten her to agree to go to dinner on Friday night; I hoped our relationship would be over officially by the time I met my family, Charlie and Bella for dinner on Saturday night.

Then she went and canceled on me at the last minute.

There was an attempt on Tanya's part to get me to reschedule for tonight, but I told her I had plans with some out-of-town guests and wouldn't be available. We made plans to meet Sunday afternoon at her apartment to talk.

I spent my time during tonight's dinner doing my best not to blurt out my feelings for Bella. I made sure I kept our conversation friendly and while I did get pretty damn flirty with her at certain points – the steak incident, for one – I never stepped over the line into inappropriate. By the end of our dinner though, I was counting down the hours until I could end things with Tanya and make my intentions to Bella clear.

So, color me fucking flabbergasted when Tanya showed up out of nowhere.

The minute I heard Tanya call my name I knew the shit was about to hit the fan. My mind started reeling – how do I escape this without having a confrontation? How do I block Tanya from meeting my parents, my sister and Bella? How do I avoid what is sure to be a clusterfuck of epic portions?

_Newsflash asshole – you don't. _

Shocked was a mild word to describe the look on my parents' faces when she announced herself as my girlfriend. They shook Tanya's hand politely, but their eyes kept shifting to me in confusion. When Tanya got a bit too friendly in addressing my mother – who never before held to such formalities – Esme put Tanya firmly in her place. The others may not have noticed, but Tanya was about to lose her shit on my mother, and I certainly wasn't going to let that happen. I dragged Tanya away from our group, hoping I could get rid of her quickly and get back to my family – and Bella.

_I was going to have a shit load of explaining to do. _

Tanya let me drag her to the back of the restaurant, where the hallway leading to the bathrooms was – thankfully – empty. The minute I stopped, she jerked her arm from my grasp.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tanya screeched. I hoped to hell my family had managed to leave the building. This wasn't going to be pretty.

"We need to talk." I answered her quietly, hoping she would follow my lead and bring it down a notch.

_Wishful thinking. _

"What the fuck, Edward!? Why didn't your parents know about me, about us? Who was that girl you were holding? What the _fuck_ is going on?" Tanya was livid, her face turning an unhealthy shade of red, her bountiful chest heaving with indignation.

I really didn't want to do this here, this way, but the choice had been taken out of my hands when she introduced herself to my family. I also couldn't blame her for being upset. This wasn't the way I wanted her to find out that our relationship was over.

"Tanya, I was having dinner with my family. What are you doing here?"

_Deflect and try to regroup. _

She looked taken aback, obviously not expecting my question. "I…um, I'm, uh, meeting my sisters here for a late dinner."

"What a coincidence." The sarcasm was dripping from my tone. I didn't want to accuse her of following me, but her being here was just too fucking weird. There were too many places in Seattle she could've met her sisters – who I hadn't seen a hide or hair of – for her to show up at the same place where I was having dinner with my family.

"Are you implying something, Edward?" She crossed her arms over her chest, daring me to go there.

_Don't call her a stalker. That will not help this fucked up situation. _

I pinched the bridge of my nose in between the thumb and index finger of my right hand. "Of course not. It's just a very_ strange_ coincidence."

I saw Tanya's jaw tighten and waited for her to call me on the weak attempt I made trying to convey my belief that she just happened to show up here. To my surprise, she let it go.

"So, are you going to explain to me who the hell that woman was and why she was at dinner with you and your family and _I_ wasn't?"

I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger. "It was a family dinner, Tanya. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by not inviting you, but it didn't seem appropriate." The minute the words were out of my mouth, I knew I had made a colossal mistake. _I_ knew we were breaking up, she didn't.

_Nice move, Asshole. _

"_Appropriate_? I'm your fucking girlfriend, Edward! What the fuck is more appropriate than me showing up to have dinner with my boyfriend's family after being with him for ALMOST A FUCKING YEAR?"

The conversational noise from the dining area dimmed and I knew that everyone sitting out there had heard Tanya scream loud and clear.

I tried to remain calm. "Look, Tanya, I don't want to do this here. I'll meet you at your place tomorrow like we planned and we'll talk then."

"OH, FUCK NO! You're not doing this anywhere but here! You're going to explain what the fuck is going on, right here, RIGHT NOW!" She continued to scream and pointed her finger in my face.

I took a step back and ran a hand through my hair. "Tanya, this isn't –"

"FUCK YOU! YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, ASSHOLE! WHO THE HELL IS SHE? YOU'RE FUCKING HER, AREN'T YOU?"

"Jesus, Tanya, will you lower your voice? This isn't an appropriate place for this conversation." Staying calm was becoming harder. Tanya was pushing me to my breaking point.

"I FUCKING KNEW IT! YOU'RE FUCKING HER!"

"I. AM. NOT!" I stopped myself and took a deep breath. I looked over Tanya's shoulder to see someone, the manager probably, walking toward us.

"Excuse me for interrupting, but you need to take this somewhere else. You're disturbing our customers." He was polite, but firm.

"Fuck off!" Tanya stormed past me to a door clearly labeled EXIT.

I looked at the manager. "Sorry."

He nodded once and watched me as I followed Tanya outside. She was standing there waiting as I came out. Her hand flew up and out so fast I never saw it coming. I heard the smack before I felt the sting.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I stepped back, holding my cheek and staring at her.

_Bitch has lost her fucking mind! _

"You deserve that and so much more Edward Cullen! I can't believe you're fucking cheating on me!"

I took another step back from her. I had never wanted to hit a woman so much in my life and I needed some distance from her so I didn't do something incredibly stupid.

"For the last fucking time, I'm not cheating on you. She is an old friend of my family's. If you had bothered to pay any fucking attention, you would have seen her father standing next to my mother." My jaw was clenched, hurting my face further, but it was the only way I could keep my cool.

_Fucking Emmett having to be fucking right all the fucking time. Bastard isn't going to let me live this down, ever. _

"I saw the way you were looking at her Edward! If you had been alone with her, you would've had her bent over the fucking table. Don't fucking lie to me!"

"Jesus, Tanya. Let. It. Go. I'm not having sex with Bella."

"Bella? The bitch's name is Bella? I'm going to find her and kick her fucking ass for screwing you!"

I reached out and grabbed her arm without thinking. My voice was low and deadly when I spoke. "You will leave her out of this. If I find out you have had any contact with her whatsoever, I will make sure you're sorry for it for the rest of your fucking life."

That shut her up. Her eyes widened, in fear or in shock, I wasn't sure. I dropped her arm and took two steps back. This whole conversation was out of control. No matter what happened to Tanya and I on a personal level, the two of us still had to work with each other on an almost daily basis. I had to rein things in and calm the fuck down.

Running a hand through my hair, I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Tanya, I'm sorry that you think so little of me that you think I'd cheat on you. Things haven't been perfect, but I can promise you, I would never do that. But I think the whole last ten minutes have proved that our relationship is definitely over."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Please, Edward, no! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I'm so embarrassed. Please don't do this, darling."

She moved toward me, but I held out my hands and took another step back. "Tanya, things have been moving toward this for a while, so I can't believe you're truly shocked by this. I'm sorry it had to be done here, this way, but I think it's best if we call it a night and part ways."

Tanya took the chance and moved toward me again. This time I held my ground. "Edward, please, let's just take tonight and think about things. We can still meet and talk at my house tomorrow like we originally planned." She reached out and took my hand. "I know we can fix this and make it work between us. We're so good together."

I gently removed my hand from hers. "Tanya, I'm not going to change my mind. There's nothing to talk about. We're through. I hope we can continue to work together and be professional. But as far as I'm concerned, it would be for the best that we no longer see each other personally."

Tanya stood there, staring into my eyes for a few minutes. Whatever she saw in them helped dry her eyes and pulled her chin up. She met my gaze, her face void of any expression whatsoever. I opened my mouth to tell her goodnight, when her hand came up and slapped me across the face. Again.

This time I caught her wrist, holding it tight. I was done being polite.

"Hope that made you feel better, sweetheart, because it's the last shot you'll ever get. Stay away from me and stay away from my family. The next time you see me, do not speak to me. Do not look at me. The only time I want to hear from you or see you is if we happen to be working on the same case. We're done."

Tanya jerked her wrist from my hand and moved toward the door leading back into the restaurant. She opened the door, but turned before she moved through it. "This isn't over, Edward. You've made the biggest mistake of your life tonight. You will regret this." With that, she disappeared inside.

I took a deep breath of the cool night air, trying to calm down. I had known she wasn't going to take our breakup well, but I had no idea it was going to grow into the shit storm that just took place. I wasn't worried about her threat; there was little she could do to me, professionally or personally, that would hurt me in anyway. My reputation at the hospital was a solid one, thanks to my hard work over the last five years. Trying to ruin me would only result in making her look bad, and Tanya wasn't going to risk her career over me.

Figuring I gave her more than enough time to leave, I entered the restaurant again and made my way to the door leading to the parking lot where I'm sure my family still waited for me. I was going to have a shit load of explaining to do and I was not looking forward to it.


	3. Weekend Away

Thanks as always to my super-betas **MsAmbrosia** and **Browns.**

**Disclaimer**: Everything recognizable belongs to their respective owners.

This outtake was the original beginning of chapter 18, but the betas thought the chapter worked better without it. Some readers had wanted Bella's impression of her and Edward's weekend away in Canada, so I decided to include it as an outtake! Enjoy!

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**BPOV**

On my way home from work that Friday night, I thought of a million different ways to ask Edward to call off his special anniversary surprise. I was exhausted and in no mood to celebrate.

The minute I walked into the apartment and saw his smiling face though, I knew I couldn't do it. He just looked so..._happy_. There was no way I could be selfish enough to be the one to wipe the smile from his lips. I would suck it up and be happy for whatever he had planned, no matter how tired and out of sorts I was.

_Then I'd come home and go right to bed. _

It was hard to keep my composure when I realized we weren't just going to dinner - although, with Edward, I should've known better. When he suggested I change my clothes, I held my tongue. When we got in the car and he refused to say a word about where we were headed, I huffed - but said nothing.

It wasn't until he pulled into the McDonald's Drive-Thru that I lost it. I waited until he ordered - for both of us because I was afraid to open my mouth for fear I'd rip him a new one - and pulled into a parking spot before I let him have it.

"Are you kidding me, Cullen? _McDonald's? _Excuse me, but what the hell?"

Instead of answering me, he handed me my box of French fries. _Oh. No. He. Didn't._

I think he could see the steam coming out of my ears at this point. My jaw was clenched and I was ready to kick his ass out of the car and leave him there.

"Baby, this isn't your surprise. I just figured you'd be hungry and I didn't want to get too far before I fed you."

"Am I now your dog, Cullen? You had to _feed_ me?"

Edward's eyes widened and I think he looked a little scared of me. "No, no! That's not what I meant. We just have a long drive ahead of us and I wanted to make sure you were comfortable. I'm not sure how many places along the way we'd have to stop and eat."

I grabbed the fries from his hand. I _was_ hungry, but he didn't need to know that. "Do you mind telling me where we're going?"

"Yes, actually I do." Edward's calm just served to stoke my anger.

"Edward! If I'm going to be riding in a car for a 'long drive' than I'd sure as hell like to know where I'm going to be at the end of that drive!"

He shook his head. "Sorry, love, it's a surprise."

I flopped back into the seat, irritated beyond belief at this point. I began eating, anger coloring every one of my movements. Edward seemed oblivious, chewing away on his own meal and making small talk. I thought about giving him the silent treatment, but decided that would be decidedly childish of me and probably wouldn't get me what I wanted anyway. I answered him, but it wasn't without annoyance.

Once we finished eating, we got back on the road. Between Edward's soothing, velvet voice and the soft melody on the radio, it didn't take long for my fatigue to over take me. I fell asleep easily.

I woke up to feeling Edward's lips on mine. "We're here, love."

It was too dark to see much, but I could make out the wood and glass of the hotel surrounded by twinkling lights. My nap had helped with my tiredness and I was wide-awake as Edward drew me out of the car and led me inside. I took in what I could as we made our way to the suite. My eyes widened in surprise as we entered. To my right was the bedroom - the king sized bed covered with rose petals - and bathroom. The bathroom had a huge tub and a separate shower, with plenty of room for two. I wandered back into the bedroom and through to the small sitting area with recliners in front of the fireplace. My gaze was quickly drawn to the patio outside that overlooked what I'm fairly certain was the ocean, although it was hard to tell in the darkness.

I hadn't been outside long when I felt Edward come up behind me and wrap his arms around me. We stood there in the silence for a little while, basking in the cool night air.

A few minutes later, Edward led me back inside and tried to start a fire for us to enjoy. It was almost comical to watch him get frustrated and flustered over the workings of the fireplace. I finally took pity on him and put him out of his misery by starting the fire myself.

_Men._

The weekend was everything I never knew I wanted or needed. Edward was so attentive and loving, just the way he looked at me was enough to make my heart sing. Our trip to the Gardens had been amazing, and I mentioned the two of us coming back in the summer when we could thoroughly enjoy all the blooms. Coming in mid-February was nice, but I could only imagine the beauty that would surround us if we returned in the spring.

Lying in bed with him, wrapped up tight in his arms when we got back to the hotel, I had never felt happier or more at peace. It had been so long since I had ever felt this way...I'm not sure I had ever felt this way, honestly. I thought I loved Joe once upon a time, but being with Edward just proved how wrong I was. What I had with Joe had been fine, but there was always something missing - except I hadn't known what was missing until I met Edward. If Joe hadn't left me, I probably would've gone on with my life and married him, never knowing what it meant to really be in love.

I was _in love_ with Edward. There was no doubt in my mind just how much I loved him. He made me feel safe and happy. When I was with him - and even when I wasn't - there was a contentment inside of me I hadn't felt in six months. Just the thought of him holding me, being there for me, gave me the strength to go on with my day. There were times when all I wanted to do was hide and sleep, to ignore the world and all my responsibilities in it. Nothing mattered but getting away from it all and not feeling for a while. With Edward though, it was easier to breathe. It was easier to come out of my shell and face everything.

Well, _almost _everything.

I hadn't told him I loved him yet. I don't know what I was afraid of - _okay, rejection_ - and yet, not really. I knew he cared about me at the very least; he showed it in his every action toward me, the way he looked at me, the way he held me.

But those words.

I. Love. You.

They scared the hell out of me.

All of these thoughts were running through my head at a million miles an hour when I heard him say them.

"I love you."

It took me a full minute to move. I just lay there, basking in the words, and more importantly, the feelings behind them. This wasn't just an expression that he threw out there because he felt like he had to say it; he had _wanted_ and _needed_ to say it.

Those words gave me the strength to tell him how I felt.

"Edward, I love you, too."

It was bliss. It was comfort. It was excitement. It was warmth. It was...love.

There was a moment when I wondered if I was dreaming it all and I needed reassurance that this was real, that _he _was real and he truly loved me. It was probably unfair of me, to saddle Edward with my insecurities and neediness, but I needed to see his face and hear the words that he really meant it.

And he did.

The next few hours were amazing, just basking in the warmth and happiness of our shared love. I don't remember much of dinner, but I do remember the smile that was on his face. I have no doubt it matched mine.

I also remember the walk back to our room when I decided that tonight would be _the_ night. I was ready - both in heart, mind and soul - to finally make love with Edward. I'm not sure if it was his declaration or just the overwhelming need to finally show him just how much I loved him, but either way, I wanted him in every single way I could have him.

Alice had packed me a sexy, black lace baby doll that, when I first saw it, I had no intention of wearing. After all that had happened earlier though, I saw no reason to not lay bare everything to Edward. Considering the expression on his face when I walked out of the bathroom, I made the right decision.

Our lovemaking was hot, sensual and loving. I had never felt so much pleasure or love with someone else. I'd had a few partners in college,and obviously had spent many years with Joe, so I knew what I liked. Edward seemed to be able to reach inside of me and understand exactly what I needed and wanted to drive me to my highest pleasure. Our movements seemed almost choreographed. Making love with Edward just cemented even further how much I loved, wanted and needed him.

Being with Edward away from all our obligations and interruptions was absolutely blissful. It was wonderful to be able to sleep in his arms all night, never wondering if a Cullen sibling would open the door and wake us up - something Emmett had done on more than one occasion. Alice wasn't nearly as rude, but there were times like I felt like we were tiptoeing around the apartment, trying not to get in each other's way. It wasn't that things were awkward between us, but I could tell she didn't always know what to do when Edward and I were both there. She didn't want to be in our way, but she didn't want to be left out either. We were walking a tightrope and I wasn't sure how much longer we'd be able to balance without falling.

Needless to say, being able to spend time away from them was a welcome change.

Leaving the resort was bittersweet. The thought of returning to the real world was depressing. I loved the little cocoon Edward and I created in Canada and I really, really didn't want to go back to Seattle and face...everything. It didn't help that there was a feeling of dread that seemed to be overtaking both of us.

The feeling continued throughout the week. Edward seemed distracted and jumpy, almost as if he was waiting for the boogeyman to jump out of a closet and tackle him. I was picking up on his mood and Alice's, who was out of her mind with nerves since her shop was scheduled to open in just a few days. Our entire apartment was one big tension box and I wondered when it would finally blow.

When it did, it came in a way I never would have expected.


	4. News

Thanks to **Ms. Ambrosia** and **Browns** for being the best betas ever.

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This outtake takes place before Chapter 19 in**_ After All._**

* * *

**EPOV**

As I walked into work Monday morning, I couldn't help the smile on my face. Our weekend in Canada had been just what Bella and I needed; I had never felt closer to her or more in love.

Making love to Bella the first time had been indescribable. The way she felt around me, the love I saw pouring from her eyes – all of these things finally made me see that everyone before her had meant nothing and all we had been doing was fulfilling a biological function. With Bella, it was actually _making love_ every time.

_And let me tell you, there were a lot of times. _

It had been difficult to leave our little cocoon and come back to the real world. The only real conversation we had on our way back home was one Bella initiated.

"Edward?" she asked me quietly.

"Yeah, baby?" I reached over and took my hand in hers, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. I glanced over and noticed that she was blushing and biting her bottom lip. Her furrowed brow concerned me. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Wonderful. I just…um, we never…we just…we never talked about birth control." Her words were rushed by the time she finished her sentence.

I almost drove off the road. I couldn't believe that we didn't use any protection all weekend.

_You are a fucking idiot, Cullen._

I had no idea how I could've been so stupid. I always, always, _always_ used protection in the past. Even if someone told me they were on birth control, I wrapped Eduardo up. _Always._

And yet, with Bella, the thought had never even crossed my mind.

"Bella, I'm so sorry –"

Bella squeezed my hand. "Stop, please. We both didn't think about it and that can't happen again. I love you, Edward, but I'm not ready to be a…I'm not ready to have children anytime soon."

"Baby, you know that if anything were to happen…"

She nodded. "I know you'd be there for me – for us – if we were 'surprised.' But I don't think we should test fate, you know?"

"Of course not, absolutely." I squeezed her hand. "I don't have a problem using condoms if that's what you'd like. It's been my preferred method of birth control in the past anyway, so it's not like…"

_Stop talking. Now. _

I could see Bella grimace out of the corner of my eye, and I knew the thought of me with other women was not a happy one. Not that I blamed her; the thought of her with another man nearly drove me insane.

"Anyway, I'll do whatever you're comfortable with."

Bella took a deep breath. "I used to take the pill and I have no problem going back on it. I just have to find a doctor here in Seattle."

"I'll ask around the hospital tomorrow and see who people recommend."

"You don't have to – "

"It's not a problem. I want to make sure that you're taken care of."

Bella looked uncomfortable, but didn't argue with me. I sighed. "I just want to take care of you. Let me find you a doctor."

I could feel her studying me silently, before she finally agreed. "Fine. Are you okay with me just on the pill or did you want to keep using…"

The thought of continuing to feel Bella around me without any barriers was enough for me to answer with a quick "no." My answer made her laugh and she finally relaxed.

"We should start using something though, so if you're okay with using them until I get back on my prescription…"

"Not a problem," I answered her quickly.

I debated asking her what we would do if our actions this weekend led to her being pregnant, but decided in the end that we'd cross that bridge if we came to it. No point in worrying about something that might end up being a non-issue.

We fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip home. I had planned to go back to my own apartment after dropping her off, since both of us had to be at work early the next morning, but the thought of leaving her side ripped me in two. She never said a word when I grabbed my suitcase out of the trunk along with hers. She just took my hand and led me into her room where we made love quietly, reverently. I noticed sadness in her eyes before she drifted off to sleep, but was too heavy-hearted myself to ask her about it.

I had never seen her happier or more carefree than I had that weekend, and I worried that being back in Seattle would cause the shadows under her eyes to return again. I knew there was no way to keep the demons that haunted her at bay, but being away, just the two of us, had caused them to retreat for a time. I wanted to make them disappear and only see her eyes shining with love and happiness forever.

I heard someone call my name, drawing me out of my musings.

"Cullen! How was your weekend away?" Marc Laurent called to me as he walked into the doctors' lounge. Marc was the same year as me, although we had only just started working together. He had transferred to Harborview a few months ago when his wife's job transferred here to Seattle. He'd settled in here comfortably and while we weren't close friends, I liked him.

"It was great, thanks. How were things around here?" I asked, putting my stuff in my locker and taking out my white coat.

"Pretty quiet, surprisingly. The interns behaved and even Dr. Bradley was almost nice." He shrugged. "Matthews asked her if she finally got laid and she had him cleaning bedpans for the rest of the night."

I couldn't help but laugh. Alistair Matthews was our newest intern and he wasn't exactly the brightest light bulb in the box. Considering the lack of sense of humor Dr. Bradley had most days, I'm surprised all she had him do was clean bedpans.

"He got off lucky," I said, making my way toward the door so I could check the surgical board and see where I was assigned that morning.

"You're telling me." Marc turned away from me to go to his locker, but then quickly turned back to face me. "By the way, Jackson was looking for you this weekend."

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Did she say why?" I couldn't imagine why Tanya would have been seeking me out. After our break-up, we had stayed away from each other, never speaking or even looking in each other's direction unless we were working on the same case. The fallout from our break-up had been practically non-existent.

_Nothing like the shit storm she promised to rain down on my head._

Considering the parting words Tanya had left me with that night, I was shocked that things were so civilized between us. I had no intention of making things difficult for her – and in the process, me – and I hoped she would offer me the same consideration. So far, she had.

But the minute Laurent said she had been looking for me, something akin to fear seemed to drop into my belly.

Marc shook his head to answer me. "Nope, just wanted to know if you were scheduled to come in at all this weekend. When I told you were out of town, she started peppering me with questions, but I refused to tell her anything else. She gave me a nasty look and then left in a huff."

I nodded my head absentmindedly, thinking about what he told me and trying not to read into it. "Thanks, Marc."

"No problem, dude. I hear you two had a nasty breakup, so I tried to keep our conversation about you to a minimum."

"I appreciate it. I'll catch you later, alright?" I left the doctors' lounge wondering what the hell Tanya was up to now.

It looked like my reprieve might be up.

* * *

I was a coward, and I avoided Tanya like the plague all week. If I saw her coming, I immediately turned and went in the opposite direction before she could see me. I switched shifts so I wouldn't have to work with her. She left me one message on my cell phone telling me she needed to talk to me, but I did not return the phone call.

Instead, I buried myself in Bella and in work.

When I wasn't at the hospital, I was at Bella and Alice's. My sister was probably sick of me, but she never said a word about me spending every night there. I would catch her staring at me from time to time, a pensive look on her face, but she never once questioned me.

Eventually, though my luck ran out, just like I knew it would.

When I woke up in Bella's bed on Thursday morning, the bright sun and her backside were the two sights that greeted me. Bella was getting dressed for work and had opened the curtains just a little bit, probably to help her see.

"What time is it?"

Bella didn't turn as she answered me. "Just after seven. I was going to wake you up in a few."

I was scheduled to work from eight to eight today. There was a strange churning in my stomach and I realized that there was a part of me that really didn't want to go to work. Taking the day off wasn't an option though, as Dr. Bradley had been on the warpath since my return. Apparently her good mood hadn't lasted long beyond making Matthews clean bedpans.

Bella finished getting dressed and came over to kiss me goodbye. "I'll be at the store tonight with Alice getting ready for Saturday. Are you still coming over after work?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there."

Bella smiled and stood up. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Have a good day." I sighed a bit, watching her walk away.

I arrived at the hospital just before my shift. The strange feeling I had woken up with this morning had grown to epic proportions. Something was definitely wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I checked my cell as I walked into the hospital, but there were no text messages or voicemails.

The feeling did not leave me all morning, but instead kept getting worse. I checked my phone constantly and even called my mom during a minute of down time to make sure everything was okay with her and Dad. She assured me everything in Forks was fine.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, I was nearly vibrating with tension. Dr. Bradley told me I was irritating her and sent me off on errands that were normally given to the interns just to get me out of her sight. She had me organizing the supply closet and I had my back to the door when I heard it open and shut.

I turned around to find Tanya standing there, watching me impassively. My stomach clenched.

We stared at each other, neither of us saying a word. When the tension became too much, I acknowledged her.

"Tanya."

"How was your weekend away?" Her voice was slightly cool, and there was no emotion behind her words.

"It was fine," I answered slowly, wondering where she was going with this.

"And your girlfriend enjoyed herself?" She tried to keep her tone emotionless, but I could detect the slight bitterness in her words.

Not wanting to play whatever game she had in mind, I refused to answer her. "Is there something I can help you with, Tanya? If not, I have work to do."

She reached into the pocket of her white lab coat and slowly pulled out something. She paused for a moment before holding it out for me to take it.

One look at what was in her hand was enough to send my heart into overdrive. I swallowed hard, and felt like I was going to be sick.

Tanya said nothing as she continued holding the picture out to me.

"Why are you showing me that?" I asked, still not taking it from her hand.

"I thought you might want to see your child."

My heart stuttered and I swear it stopped before re-starting in triple time. I glared at her, my eyes studying her face and never once returning to the picture.

Tanya's expression did not change. "I'm three months pregnant, Edward. It's your baby."

"You're a fucking liar," I spat. I couldn't believe she would try to pin this on me.

Tanya's arm came around to touch her stomach. As she laid her hand against it, I could see a very small bump there.

A bump that was far enough along to have been started while we were still together.

_Oh. Fucking. Hell. No._

"I'm due August twentieth. The doctor thinks the date of conception was around Thanksgiving."

The rest of her sentence was unspoken – we had still been together at Thanksgiving.

"We used protection," I countered. I knew that for sure. I always used a condom. _Always._

"I know. The condom must've broken." Tanya answered me quietly. I was shocked by her behavior. I expected her to come sauntering in, making demands and accusations. Instead she was acting…not at all like herself.

"You were on birth control."

Tanya sighed and her head dropped. "I missed a couple of pills. I didn't worry about it or tell you because we used condoms anyway and I thought it was okay. Apparently it wasn't."

My fear began to turn to anger. "Tanya, I swear to God, if you're fucking with me…"

Her head snapped up, her eyes blazing. "Fucking with you? I fucking wish I were, Edward. Do you know how much this fucking sucks for me right now? To know I'm pregnant by a man who wants nothing to do with me and is already in another relationship with someone else? Fuck you, Cullen."

She turned on her heel and began to walk out of the room, but I had the presence of mind to grab her elbow and pull her to a stop. "Wait a second." I wasn't letting her out of here until I got some more answers.

"Let go of me," she said through gritted teeth.

I dropped her elbow. "Sorry, but I need more answers and you're not leaving here until I get them."

"What answers do you want? It's yours. I thought you had a right to know. I won't ask anything of you or request your involvement. You can forget we had this conversation as soon as I walk out of the room. You can go back to your precious girlfriend and move the fuck on with your life. I just wanted you to know so you couldn't come back to me later and accuse me of keeping your child from you."

"Tanya, I just don't understand how this is possible." I was fucking shocked as shit, if you wanted the truth.

"The birth control failed, Edward. It didn't fucking work and now I'm knocked up." She looked at me like I was stupid. I supposed I might have sounded like an idiot, but I couldn't wrap my head around what I was hearing or seeing.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me?" She had to have known she was pregnant long before now.

"My periods have always been irregular and I was almost nine weeks along before I realized what was going on. I was going to tell you once I got it confirmed, but then you started pulling away from me and I knew that you were..." Tanya's breathing hitched and I noticed tears in her eyes.

I had never seen Tanya cry anything but manipulative tears, and these were definitely not that type.

These tears were real.

She continued. "I knew…I knew you were planning on breaking up with me, and I tried to avoid you until I could figure out what to do. When I saw you that night in the restaurant with your parents and that girl…I just lost it. I thought if I introduced myself…fuck, I don't know. I have no idea what I thought it would do. I saw you with her and I knew that it was over, that you had already moved on. Then I got pissed because we hadn't broken up yet and I was pregnant and you didn't know. I lost my fucking mind, Edward, because I was scared and hurt and angry."

"It's been over a fucking month, Tanya. You could've told me well before now."

She hung her head again. "I know, but I seriously debated just not telling you at all. Despite what you think of me, I'm not a horrible person set out to destroy your life. I did love you, Edward, and I would've given anything to be with you. But I also have enough pride not to want to be with someone who doesn't want me. So I figured that by not telling you, I was letting you go without being tied down to a woman and a child you don't love."

I didn't know how to believe what was coming out of her mouth. It went against everything I had ever seen or heard from Tanya in the past. There was a part of me that was screaming that she was a lying, manipulative bitch. There was another part though that was wondering if she was telling the truth. Had she acted the way she had because she knew I was planning on leaving her and she really _was_ scared and angry?

As much as I hated to admit it, it made a strange, awful sort of sense.

_Fuck. My. Life._

"What made you change your mind?" I asked her quietly.

She shrugged. "Like I said, I thought you had a right to know. I didn't want you to find out from someone else and eventually it would be impossible to hide. I didn't want you to get pissed at me years from now for keeping this from you and come back into my life, custody papers blazing. I just…I'm trying to do the right thing, even though it sucks."

I watched the tears streak down her face, but I felt no need to reach out and wipe them away. I didn't love this woman. I did not care about her anymore than I would care about another human being who walked the earth with me.

But she was carrying my child.

I still had my doubts, but her attitude was enough to convince me that maybe she might be telling me the truth.

"I…I don't know what to say…" I trailed off, speechless. How do I even begin to approach this with her?

Tanya reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's fine, Edward, really."

"No, it's just…I need to wrap my head around this."

"Of course. When you're ready to talk – if you're ever ready to talk – I'll make myself available. I don't want this to turn into a war, Edward. I don't want to hate you or for you to hate me. I want to be able…well, we can talk later if you want."

I nodded and watched her as she turned to walk away. Just as she reached the door, she turned back and looked at me. "Just so you know, I'm willing to take a paternity test if it would put your mind at ease. I'd like to wait until the baby is born, though. There are just too many risks with an amniocentesis, especially if it's not needed for any other reason."

I just nodded, not willing to argue that point right now. The fact that she even offered to have a paternity test made the pit in my stomach grow.

_After all, why offer if you know it's going to make a liar out of you?_

I'm not sure how long I stood there after Tanya left. My head was spinning and I was still trying to wrap my head around what she told me.

_I was going to be a dad…supposedly. _

I had thought about being a father someday of course, but it was always in one of those long off, distant sort of things. After I got done with my residency. When I met the right woman. It had crossed my mind more often in the last few weeks than normal but it was only because of Bella.

_Bella._

My knees felt weak and I slid down to the floor in the closet, my back resting against the shelves. How would she take this news? What would she say? What would she do? Would she hate me? Would she leave me?

I had to see her.

It took me a few minutes to be able to stand up, but I finally walked out of the closet on shaky feet. Dr. Bradley was standing in the hallway, yelling at Matthews, but she stopped the minute she saw me.

"Go home," were the only words she spoke, but I didn't have it in me to argue with her. I didn't want to argue with her. I wanted to go home and see Bella.

Looking at my watch on the way to my car I realized she'd just be getting home from work. I might be able to catch her before she left for Alice's store. This was not a conversation I wanted to have in front of anyone, but waiting until later tonight to talk to Bella was not an option. I had to tell her. I had to hear her voice, see her face, and know that no matter what, I would be okay.

I could only hope _we_ would be okay too.

* * *

Thanks for reading.

**Scorp_112 **on Twitter for teasers and updates.


	5. Bella and Joe Relationship Drabble

This one is very short, but will give you an idea of Bella and Joe's relationship and what she was thinking about it when the accident occurred. There might also be a bit of background info in here needed for the alternate storyline chapters...

Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

* * *

Joe and I had never been one of those couples that needed to spend every waking moment together and I had always loved that about us. I enjoyed the fact that we both felt comfortable doing our own thing without feeling like the other person had to be there too. My friends used to compliment me on how healthy and independent our relationship seemed; how nice it was to be around a friend who didn't always need to drag her boyfriend everywhere with her or check in with him constantly. Even after we moved in together, life didn't change that much. We obviously spent more time together, but we still spent a majority of our time doing things separately.

I may have been blind sided by the way Joe had ended our relationship, but I hadn't been completely oblivious to the fact that things between us had been rocky long before I left for Florida. By the time I had realized that there was a problem in our relationship, it had been months since we had spent anytime together as a couple. We lived in the same house, we slept in the same bed, but we were living two separate lives. We rarely made love. The little things I had taken for granted – holding hands, kisses hello or goodbye, the way he rubbed my shoulder when he'd come up next to me – had stopped somewhere along the way, although I'm not sure when or why. Instead of living with the man I loved, I realized I was living with a roommate I barely knew.

After one of Renee's weekly calls, I made the last minute decision to go visit her and Phil after school was out for the summer. I'd been hoping to get some space and distance from what was happening with Joe and me. I wanted to be able to think about what was happening between us and how to fix it without being surrounded by our things, in our home. I didn't tell him that was part of the reason I was going, but I think he could guess. When we turned to each other in bed my last night in town and made love, I sensed a desperation between us that hadn't been there before. Looking back, I should've known then that it was over, as our bodies seemed to be saying goodbye to each other.

The month I spent away from Joe had just made it clear to me that things were truly over for us. I didn't miss him and that's when I knew I wasn't in love with him anymore. I had planned on talking to him and ending things when I arrived back in Sacramento. Obviously, the accident changed everything. But even with the writing on the wall and knowing my plans to end our relationship, I had still been blind-sided by the timing and way he had chosen to tell me it was over.


	6. Alternate Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own them.

This is not beta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

Some of this is going to seem very familiar, as some of it is the same as the original Chapter 25. The alternate storyline kicks in fairly quickly though.

* * *

**BPOV**

I hated doctors.

It didn't matter that I was at the gynecologist for a routine check-up and that I knew exactly what to expect. The fact was I hated doctors, doctor offices and anything having to do with the medical profession. Spending weeks in a coma and then months in a rehabilitation facility might have had something to do with my feelings.

"Ms. Swan?" A tall, older dark-haired nurse stood at the door and called my name. I sighed as I stood, making my way back to her, walking as if I was off to the torture chamber. She just laughed at me and introduced herself as Therese. After taking care of the usual stuff – weight, height, peeing in a cup – she escorted me back to a small examination room. Handing me a gown to change into she told me to get naked, put the gown on and she'd be back in a minute to do some initial intake questions with me since it was my first visit.

Therese was back five minutes later, knocking to make sure I was all covered up before she entered. She sat down at a computer to the right of the examination table and began asking a series of questions about my medical history and my purpose for being there today.

"This is your first visit, correct?" Therese asked as she typed something into the keyboard.

"Um, yes. I moved to Seattle in January and well…here I am." I fidgeted nervously on the exam table just wanting to get this visit over with.

"Did you happen to send your records from your previous doctor?" Therese turned to look at me and smiled. "Dear, you should try to relax. Dr. Reilly is good at what he does. He'll make this as painless as possible."

I sighed. "Okay. Um, yes, I had my records sent."

When Dr. Whitlock had asked me to release my medical records to him, I thought it would be prudent to have my records sent here as well. While Dr. Reilly would probably have no use for them, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have him have an account what happened. With all the injuries that had happened to my lower abdomen, there might be something that he'd need to know. My stomach clenched at the thought. No one had told me that I had any lasting injuries that might have affected my reproductive organs, and I hoped Dr. Reilly wouldn't find anything today that someone else had missed.

"Ah, yes. It's all entered here." With that, Therese closed the program and stood up. "I'll let Dr. Reilly know you're ready and we'll be back in just a few minutes."

True to her word, she and Dr. Reilly were in the room just a few minutes later. Dr. Reilly introduced himself and took a minute to glance over my records on the computer.

"So Bella, you're here today for a routine check-up?" He asked, pulling latex gloves over his hands.

"Um, yes. And to get back on birth control." I bit my lip, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

Dr. Reilly looked back at the computer screen. "It looks like your doctor in Sacramento had you on Ortho-Cyclen. Any side effects or things you didn't like about being on that pill?"

I shook my head. "No, it was fine."

Dr. Reilly nodded. "And you stopped taking it…" He looked back at the computer screen. "…Around August of last year?" His brow furrowed as he read further along. "Ah…I see."

Turning back to me, he smiled at me gently. "Well, let's take a look, shall we?"

The exam commenced and as usual, it was as uncomfortable as always. Dr. Reilly was gentle, but my tenseness did not make things easy for either one of us.

Finally, having done all he had to do, he stood and removed his gloves before washing his hands. "I'll give you a moment to get cleaned up and re-dressed, Bella, and then I'll be back in to talk to you."

I nodded and he and Therese left the room. I dressed quickly, happy to be out of the gown and stirrups and back into my clothes. Dr. Reilly knocked a few minutes later and entered the room on my okay.

He took a seat in front of the computer and smiled. "So, Bella, everything looks really good. I can't lie. I was concerned, considering how much damage the lower half of your body had after your accident, but everything seems to be just fine. I don't anticipate any problems. There doesn't seem to be any resulting problems from the accident or your miscarriage."

I nodded, until his words registered in my head.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Dr. Reilly looked taken aback for a moment. "I said there doesn't seem to be any resulting damage or problems from your accident or your miscarriage."

This time I shook my head. "You've got me confused with someone else, I think. I've never had a miscarriage. I've never been pregnant."

Dr. Reilly's eyebrows furrowed and he turned back to the computer. He pressed a few buttons and scrolled down a bit with the mouse, taking a moment to read what was on the screen. I sat behind him, shaking. There had to be some sort of mistake with my records because I knew I had never been pregnant.

Sighing, Dr. Reilly turned back to me. "You were in motor vehicle accident on August 2nd of last year, correct?"

Nodding, I answered him. "Yes, in Jacksonville. I had them send my records here to you because I had a lot of trauma to my lower abdomen. I wanted you to know, just in case…" I trailed off at the look on his face.

"Yes, that's all here in your records, Bella. What is also here is that you were also pregnant and suffered a miscarriage."

"That's not…I can't…. it's not possible." I wheezed the words out, my mind one jumbled mess of confusion.

"According to what I have here in front of me, the doctors in Florida ran tests. The guessed you were somewhere between six and eight weeks pregnant based on the amount of hCG in your system at the time." Dr. Reilly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Bella. I had no idea you didn't know. I never would have mentioned it the way I did if –"

I ran my hands over my face. "There's a mistake. I was not pregnant. Wouldn't they have told me something like that? They told me all my other injuries…this just doesn't make sense." My voice started to become hysterical as my brain tried to come to terms with what the doctor was telling me.

Dr. Reilly turned back to the computer and began listing off my injuries. I nodded, remembering the same words from the doctor in Florida. _"__Broken hip…broken ribs…. punctured lung…liver…lacerated…hemorrhaging badly…"_

Pausing, Dr. Reilly looked at me. "I'm so sorry, Bella, but it's in here and based on the treatment they gave you…it wasn't just for your other injuries. You did suffer a miscarriage."

I could only shake my head, barely registering the tears that fell from my eyes. "Dr. Reilly, someone screwed up, because it's not possible. I couldn't have been pregnant. I was in traveling for almost five weeks before…" My breath hitched, and I fought to control the sob that was trying to fight its way out of my throat. "My ex-boyfriend and I… It can't be true. It can't."

Even as I said the words though, I realized I was wrong. Joe and I had slept together the night before I left for Jacksonville. If my birth control had failed, then…

I wrapped my arms around my waist and rocked slowly back and forth on the examination table, no longer able to control the sobs coming from my body.

Dr. Reilly was speaking to me, but I couldn't make out his words. I finally felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him.

"Please tell me you're wrong. That you read my records wrong."

Dr. Reilly was looking at me sadly. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought you knew."

I wiped at my eyes and nose, trying to calm myself. "No…no one ever mentioned it. When the doctor went over my injuries, he never said a word."

I thought back on that day and remembered how uncomfortable the doctor was, how he kept clearing his throat and looking at my father…

Charlie.

_Charlie knew. _

My breath was coming out in strange gasps and Dr. Reilly asked me to calm down. I heard him call for a nurse and some part of my brain knew if I didn't pull it together they wouldn't let me leave.

I had to get out of there.

It was difficult, but I brought myself under control. I purposely slowed my breathing, using the technique Dr. Whitlock taught me at our last session. The minute I felt as though I had any control over my body again, I shut my mind down. I went numb.

I only had two thoughts.

Get out of the doctor's office.

Get to Charlie in Forks.

* * *

I left right from Dr. Reilly's for Forks. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with my father over the phone.

My mind went blank, my emotions turned off. I had a four-hour trip ahead of me and the only way I was going to get there in one piece was if I just shut down. There was a voice in the back of my head that kept whispering _Charlie knew_.

I didn't know what to think, or what to believe.

On automatic pilot, I drove the familiar roads to my hometown. Once I entered the village limits, my heart began beating faster and my hands started to shake. Driving down my father's street, I felt my whole body shudder.

I pulled in front of the house and slammed on the brakes, putting the car in park before taking a deep breath. The cruiser was in the driveway; he was home.

Suddenly, I was moving. I flung off my seatbelt and threw open my car door, slamming it behind me. I stumbled up the front lawn and ran up the front steps. Grasping the doorknob, I flung the door open without knocking.

"Dad!" My yell echoed off the stairwell and I heard a crash and a bang in response.

"Bella? What are you doing here? What's wrong?" Charlie came thundering down the stairs, worry and panic written all over his face.

"You…" I choked on the words over the lump in my throat. "You knew and you didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me?"

Charlie's eyes widened and I saw his Adam's apple bounce as he swallowed. "Bells, you need to calm down and tell me what you're talking about."

He cleared his throat, flashing me back to Florida and Dr. Phillips the day he told me about all my injuries. I felt like I was going to vomit.

"You know what I'm talking about. You…know. Why?" Tears fell down my cheeks and my breath was coming in heavy pants.

"Bells…"

"Dad, you tell me. Tell me right now or…." I inhaled trying to catch my breath. "Just tell me the truth. _I deserve the truth_!"

My father walked the rest of the way down the stairs until he was standing on the last step, just a few feet away from me, looking like he'd aged ten years in the five minutes. He was ghost white and there were tears in his eyes.

"Bella, I think we should go sit…"

"No! You'll tell me right now. Right here. I think I waited long enough and I need…I need to hear it from you."

Charlie wiped a hand over his face and looked down at his shoes. He took a deep breath and then looked in my eyes. "Bella…the accident caused… a miscarriage." The last word came out in a whisper.

My hands shook and I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. "Oh my God." I covered my mouth to hold in the bile I felt making it's way up from my stomach.

Charlie reached out toward me, but I stepped away from him, unable to bear to have him any closer to me than he already was. "Bella, please know that I did what I thought was best. You had been through so much already and I just didn't know how…I begged the doctors to let me be the one to do it…I thought maybe if Joe was there it would be easier, but then he showed up and I realized just how bad things were between the two of you." Charlie paused and shook his head. "It made me think that maybe something had happened that you didn't want to tell your old man about…"

The shock kept me still for a good twenty seconds. I turned my father's words around in my head._ "Bella,…the accident….miscarriage."_

I hadn't wanted to believe it. Even when I heard it from Dr. Reilly's mouth, there was still a part of me that didn't believe it.

And now here I was listening to my father tell me the truth. A truth he had kept from me for almost a year.

"How…_how could you_?"

I was going to be sick. I turned and hurled myself toward the front door, swinging it open as Charlie shouted my name behind me. I didn't pause in my flight, continuing all the way to my car and throwing myself inside. I could see Charlie running toward me, but I could bear to be anywhere near him in that moment.

I pulled away from the curb, not bothering to look for any oncoming traffic. I could only think about getting as far away from my father as I could, unable to take anymore.

I sobbed as I drove, having enough sense to know I shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car in my state. I quickly pulled into the post office parking lot and put the car into park. Through my tears I opened my purse, scrambling to find my phone. I dumped it on the seat next to me, scattering my things this way and that until I found my cell.

My fingers were shaking as I found the buttons to connect myself to the only mother I had left.

"Esme? I need…I need….I need…" I couldn't make myself get anymore than those words out, my sobs were shaking my body so hard.

"Bella? Bella, darling? What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Forks. At post office…come get me…please?" I managed to get the words out, just barely.

"I'm on my way." There were no questions, only absolute concern and love.

I hung up and laid my head on the steering wheel, trying to calm down, but unable to. Sobs rocked my body and my heart ached with my father's betrayal and with how much I missed Edward. I needed him so badly; I wanted to feel his arms around me, telling me it would be okay. I had left Seattle with only one goal – to get to Forks and confront my father – I hadn't even considered telling Edward or Alice where I was going. I glanced down at the phone in my hand and saw through my swollen eyes that there was a text icon, a missed call icon and a voicemail icon all on the display.

I debated for only seconds before I threw the phone down on the seat next to me. No matter how much I wanted him with me in that moment, I did not have the strength to explain where I was or how I got there.

My brain and heart had gone numb once more.

Esme arrived ten minutes later. Her face was drawn and worried as she hurried over to my car. Her mouth dropped open as she saw my face and she immediately pulled my door open.

"Oh, darling." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her embrace. I started sobbing once more as she rubbed my back.

"Come on, get in the car." She led me over to the passenger's side of her Mercedes, and waited as I gently folded myself inside. She shut the door with just enough force to make sure it was closed before going back to my car and opening its doors. Seconds later, she was beside me, starting the car and driving off toward the Cullen home. We didn't speak as she drove; I continued to cry and she held my hand in silent support.

Once we arrived at the house, Esme helped me out of the car and inside. She brought me into the living room, sitting me down on the couch. She sat next to me and I turned into her as she wrapped her arms around me.

"He lied…I don't understand how he could have lied…I don't understand how…" I couldn't seem to get control of my thoughts or my crying.

Esme held me tight for a few minutes more before pulling away from me a bit so she could look into my face. Pushing back the hair that stuck to my cheeks with my tears, she spoke softly.

"Bella, darling, can you calm down and tell me what happened?"

I took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded. Swallowing hard, I ran my hands over my face and then began talking.

I told her all of it – what happened in Dr. Reilly's office, my drive to Forks, my confrontation with my father. Her expression went from horrified to sympathetic and back, as she squeezed my hand to offer her comfort.

"I don't understand." I looked at Esme imploringly, begging for her to give me the answers that were eluding me. "How could I be almost two months pregnant and not know? How could I not know that I had lost a baby? Why didn't Charlie tell me?"

The questions started the sobs all over again and I collapsed against Esme.

Suddenly, we heard the screech of tires in front of the house, followed by a car door slamming and boots running up the front steps.

"Hello? Esme?" I heard Charlie's voice come through the front door as he knocked. The sound of his voice caused the bile to rise in my throat once more. I stood and ran for the kitchen, making it to the sink just in time. Esme was only steps behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back as I dry-heaved into the sink. I rinsed my mouth out with water and grasped the counter to hold myself up.

"I can't…. Keep him away from me. I can't…" Esme said nothing as she rubbed my back, and then turned me, leading me up the stairs to Edward's old bedroom. I could still hear my father calling through the front door.

Esme helped lower me into Edward's bed and pulled the covers up around me. "Bella, I'm going to call Carlisle to come home. I want him to check you out, make sure you're okay."

I couldn't even find the strength to nod. I just lay in the bed, sobbing. I'm not sure how long it was before I looked up to see Carlisle kneeling in front of me, reaching for my wrist. Esme was sitting on my other side, silently stroking my hair.

"Bella, are you able to relax enough to stop crying? Sweetheart, you're going to make yourself sick." Carlisle took my pulse as he spoke.

"Are you on any medication?" I nodded and looked around for my bag. "In my purse…"

Carlisle stood and walked over to the desk, picking up my bag. "May I?" He held it up and I nodded. He pulled out the bottle of Vistaril I had with me. "Anything else besides this?"

I croaked out the names of the anti-depressant and sleep aid that Dr. Whitlock prescribed for me. Carlisle nodded and bringing the bottle of Vistaril with him, he walked back over to the bed. Sitting down next to me, he shook out a pill and handed it to me, then gave me a bottle of water so I could swallow it down. He set everything on the nightstand next to the bed before looking at me with sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." His voice was low and held so much more than sympathy.

There was guilt.

I gasped and shook my head. "You knew?"

Carlisle nodded. "Charlie came to me right after he got back from Jacksonville and confided in me. I tried to help him figure out the best way to tell you, but…"

"Get out." The venom in my voice surprised even me. Carlisle stood slowly, his mouth open to say something else, probably to try to explain and make things better. I wasn't in the mood to hear it. I sucked in a breath, ready to tell him – demand him – to leave once more, but he was speaking once more.

"Bella, sweetheart, I swear, we thought…"

"Carlisle, leave this room now or so help me God I will not be responsible for what I do to you. Leave. Now." Esme's voice was colder than I had ever heard it and her words shook with anger. I turned and buried my face in her shoulder, my body convulsing with sobs.

Betrayal washed over me. Both my fathers had known about my…baby…

And neither had told me.

* * *

**EPOV**

Best. Weekend. Ever.

I strutted around the hospital with a shit-eating grin on my face. Not even surgery with Tanya could bring me down. Not that she had caused any problems – she was entirely too wrapped up in showing off the great big diamond ring Matthews had given her to worry about me. At any rate, life was good and I didn't have a problem letting everyone know it. My girl had agreed to move in with me. I was flying high.

I hadn't intended to ask her, although I had been thinking about it for weeks. But in that moment, in that hotel room, basking in the warmth of her love and the best sex ever, I couldn't help myself. I wanted her with me – always.

If I had a ring, I probably would've asked her to marry me.

However, I hadn't, so I went with the next best thing and asked her to move in. I never wanted to pump my fist so badly as I did when she said yes. There had been no hesitation, no hemming and hawing, just a flat out fucking yes.

I whistled while I walked down the hallway to the doctors' lounge. I had a bit of a break, baring any emergencies that might come in, and was hoping to get in a phone call to Bella before I crashed for a while. I had texted her before I went into surgery to tell her I loved her, but I was dying to hear her voice.

The lounge was empty when I entered, and I was thankful. Now I wouldn't have to search out an empty supply closet or room to have a conversation of the love of my life.

My phone was blinking like crazy when I picked it up. Looking at the display, I saw I had a number of new text messages and voicemails. My brow furrowed as I felt a tiny bit of panic deep in my gut.

Before I could check the messages, I heard my name over the loudspeaker.

"Dr. Cullen, phone call on line two. Dr. Cullen, line two."

The panic in my gut grew to massive proportions. No one ever called me at the hospital.

I practically ran to the phone in the corner of the room, picking it up and hitting the button for line two frantically. "Hello?"

"Edward?"

I could hear the sadness and tears in my mother's voice. My knees weakened a bit and I sat in the chair that had conveniently been placed next to the phone.

"Mom? What's wrong? Is it Dad? Is he okay?"

I swore I heard my mother growl. "Your father is fine," she spit out, then her voice gentled. "Edward, it's Bella."

My heart stopped. "What…what do you mean? What's wrong?"

"Sweetheart, before you get panicked, I need you to know she's…okay. She hasn't been hurt physically or anything, and she's safe."

"_Hurt physically? Safe?_ What the hell, Mom? What's going on?" My hand was in my hair, pulling at the strands in my nervous frustration.

My mother sighed on the other end of the phone. "Edward, Bella had a doctor's appointment this morning, and she heard some fairly distressing news. She had some questions that could only be answered by Charlie, so she drove to Forks –"

"Fucking hell. I'm on my way." I didn't wait to say goodbye or to hear it from my mother. I slammed the phone down, grabbed my things out of my locker and ran for the nurses' desk.

"Mark, I have to go. There's a family emergency and I need to leave now. Let Dr. Bradley know for me, will you?" I didn't wait for the nurse at the desk to answer me, I just ran for the exit. Once I got in the car, I called Alice.

"Edward! I've been trying to reach you all day. Have you heard from Bella? She was supposed to meet me for lunch after her appointment and –"

"Ali, she's in Forks. I'm on my way there now." My tires squealed as I pulled onto the I-5 ramp.

"Forks? What the hell is she doing –"

"I don't know! Mom called and said she got some news at the doctor today and needed to talk to Charlie, so she drove to Forks. That's all I heard before I left." I checked my rearview and side mirrors before moving quickly to the left to pass the motherfucker in front of me going twelve miles an hour.

"Shit. Okay, um, do you want me to meet you there?" I could already hear the wheels turning in my sister's head, trying to figure out who could run the shop if she left and how far behind me she'd be.

"No, let me get there and see what's going on. Maybe Mom's overreacting," I said, but we both knew my words were bullshit. One, our mother never overreacted – ever. Two, for Bella to get in the car and drive the three plus hours to Forks without letting anyone know she was going – or asking anyone to drive with her – meant something was seriously wrong.

The thought of just how wrong it could be caused me to push my foot down harder on the accelerator.

My sister sighed. "Will you call me when you get there?"

"As soon as I take care of Bella and know what's going on I'll call and let you know if we need you." I slowed down as I came to the exit for the 104 and the ferry. "Ali, I'm not far from the ferry, so I'm going to go. I'll call you soon."

"'Kay. Give Bella my love."

I answered her in the affirmative, and pressed the button to hang up the Bluetooth. Flinging my head back against the headrest, I just had one recurring thought.

_Get to Bella._

* * *

I saw my mother and father's cars when I pulled into their driveway, but Bella's vehicle was nowhere to be seen. I wondered if I should've gone to Charlie's, but it hadn't occurred to me. When my mother said Bella was in Forks, I didn't stop to think where exactly in Forks she would be.

I took the steps on the front porch at a run and flung open the door to the house.

"Ma!" My voice echoed throughout the empty foyer and I turned to my right to call into the dining room and kitchen. "Mom!"

"Edward." My father's voice came from the hallway that ran along the stairway toward the back of the house where his office was located.

My words came out rushed and breathless as I strode toward him. "Dad. Have you seen Bella? Mom called –"

"She's in your room upstairs." I didn't stop to listen to whatever else he had to say, instead taking the stairs up to the second floor at a run.

I came to a halt outside my old room. My heart was telling me to open the door and get inside as soon as possible, but my head told me to pull myself together first. I didn't know what kind of state I was going to find Bella in and I didn't want my behavior upsetting her anymore than she might have already been.

I wish my mother had given me some clue as to what I was going to be walking into, but then again, I hadn't really given her the chance to do so.

Putting my hand on the knob, I turned and pushed open the door. Inside, I found the room dark, the curtains shut against the twilight of the outside sky. My room hadn't changed at all since the last time I was home, other than the fact that my girlfriend was curled up in a fetal position on the bed. I could tell from her breathing that she was asleep. From what I could see of her face, her skin was pale, almost the color of the sheets that she lay on. Her hair was a tangled mess and the way she was folded in on herself had me wanting to do nothing more than pull her into my arms and protect her. My mother sat beside her, holding her hand.

My alarm grew at seeing Bella's still form, but as I started forward, my mother just put a finger to her lips to warn me to be quiet. She let go of Bella's hand and stood to meet me on the other side of the bed. She firmly, but gently, pushed me out of the room, closing the door behind us as we exited into the hallway. I expected her to take me downstairs to where my father was, but instead, she led me to her bedroom, which was just a few doors down from where we stood.

The silence continued until we got inside and she shut the door. She turned to me, tears in her eyes and gave me a sad smile.

"Let's sit." I began to argue with her, just wanting to know what had brought Bella here and obviously distressed her so much that she cried herself to sleep, but my mother just shook her head. "Let's sit down and I'll tell you what I know."

I ran my hand through my hair and followed her over to the small seating area she and my father had in their room. It was in the far left corner, with a love seat and a stuffed armchair situated around a tiny coffee table. For as long as I could remember, my mother loved to sit there and read or stare out the window into the forested backyard. It was a place of comfort, and of calm.

I had a feeling I was going to need both.

My mother took a seat in the armchair, while I sat on the very edge of the loveseat, poised to hear whatever she was about to tell me. My mother sighed deeply, sinking back into the chair and closing her eyes. She kept them shut for just a brief moment before she opened them again and started speaking.

"I got a phone call from Bella earlier this afternoon. She was distraught, crying heavily and could barely speak. She managed to tell me she was at the post office here in Forks and needed me to come and get her. I did and brought her back here." My mother ran a hand over her forehead, obviously upset.

"What did she say?" I was anxious to find out what had caused all this turmoil and I wasn't sure how much longer I could take the delay.

"When she calmed down enough, she told me that at her doctor had informed her this morning that she had had a miscarriage – "

I stood, panicked. "What? When? Oh, Jesus. Fucking hell, Mom, what –"

"Edward!" My mother's tone was sharp and raised just slightly. "Sit down and calm down. It wasn't recently."

"Not…recently? I don't –"

"I know you don't, so let me explain before you get anymore upset. The doctor told her that according to her records that she had sent from Florida, the accident she was in resulted in a miscarriage. She was about eight weeks pregnant when…" My mother looked at me sadly, tears in her eyes.

My mind whirled, trying to grasp what I'd just heard. "They didn't tell her? Those fucking doctors in Florida never fucking told her?"

Esme shook her head. "From what I could understand, they didn't. But Bella realized they would have told someone –"

"Charlie." I shook my head. "Fucking hell, Ma, he didn't tell her?"

My mother's eyes narrowed. "No, not until today. Bella realized he knew and came here to confront him. When she did, he admitted keeping it from her and told her the truth. That's when she called me."

"Jesus." I leaned back against the back of the loveseat and ran my hand over my face. Finding out about the miscarriage would have rocked Bella, but finding out that Charlie hadn't told her would have devastated her.

"Edward, there's more." The anger in my mother's voice caused me to drop my hands and I looked at her sharply. "Your father also knew."

It was a double whammy. Bella's actual father and a man who she considered a second father had hid this news from her. No wonder she was curled up in a ball in the other room. The very people who had promised to love and protect her had been lying to her for months.

I looked over at my mother to find her staring out the window, her jaw tense. I knew the news of Bella's miscarriage would have hit her hard, and not just because Bella was hurting. My mother had suffered a miscarriage between my birth and Alice's and another when Alice was two-years-old. If anyone would understand what this news would do to Bella, it was my mother. And knowing that my father was responsible for the deception of keeping it from Bella would have just hurt my mother further. He had known how much my mother grieved for her lost children, and the fact that he would have kept something like that from someone he loved like a daughter wouldn't be something my mom would understand easily.

"What the hell?" I stood and walked over to the window, gazing out at the backyard, but seeing nothing. "She was doing so well. She was still having nightmares, but the therapy was working, I could see it. And once the meds had a chance to work…I know she would have been even better. But now? I don't know how this is going to set her back. And it _is_ going to set her back."

"Maybe, but maybe not. Bella's very resilient. Maybe this will just…" My mother trailed off, both of us knowing her words were hollow. Bella wouldn't just bounce back from this news. She would need to deal with yet another loss and more grief, on top of what she would see as a betrayal from both her fathers.

We were silent, both lost in our thoughts. Finally, I turned and walked over to her. "I'm going to go sit with Bella." I leaned down and kissed my mother's cheek and she pulled me in close for a hug. "I love you, Ma."

"I love you, my sweet boy."

Bella was still asleep when I entered the room. I wasn't sure when she had taken her medication, but I knew she could be knocked out for another couple of hours at least. I didn't want to leave her, but I really wanted to speak to my father.

Standing up, I kissed my girl on the forehead and tucked the blankets around her shoulders. I made my way down the stairs, hearing voices the closer I got to the kitchen. When I walked into the room, I saw my father standing at the island counter, across from Charlie, who was sitting in one of the stools placed there. Charlie had his head in his hands, elbows propped on the counter, and was speaking quietly.

"I should have told her earlier. As soon as I realized she had no idea she had been pregnant…" Charlie trailed off, looking broken.

While sitting with Bella I had time to think, and as angry I was with Charlie for keeping such devastating news from her, part of me understood his reasoning. He had been trying to protect his daughter from another devastating loss that she wasn't even aware of. She had already suffered so much and he had just wanted to keep her from hurting even more.

The room was silent for a moment, but when it was broken, it came in a way I wouldn't have ever guessed. My mother had entered the kitchen behind me and had heard Charlie's words.

"Yes, Charlie, you should have. Your daughter had a right to know about the child she lost and the right to grieve over it. You took it from her. You took –"

"Esme!" My father was shocked and her name slapped the air in his anger at what she had just said. He and I both whirled around to look at her while Charlie had lifted his head from his hands at the sound of her voice.

"She had a right to know! It would have been devastating to her on top of everything else she was dealing with, but it would have been better for her in the long run. She's just beginning to heal, Carlisle, and now she has to relive everything all over again. She has to relive the loss of her mother and stepfather, and how much her life was changed by what happened, and now she has to live with the loss of a child she didn't even know she was expecting. All because of Charlie's stupidity!"

My mother's chest was rising and falling rapidly in her anger, her face flushed and green eyes flashing. I had never seen her so angry in my life, and I was man enough to admit, I was terrified of her. I was slightly nervous that she might just haul off and smack Charlie before my father could stop her.

"Es, enough!" My father snapped at her and I jumped. I had never heard or seen my parents like this – ever.

I glanced over at Charlie and saw the tears pouring down his cheeks. His face was pale, and his shoulders shaking with his grief and shame. The room was silent, like a vacuum had come in and sucked all noise out of it, leaving nothing but a blank void.

My mother turned and left the room without another word as my father walked over to Charlie and put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go to the study. I think we need a drink." Charlie allowed my father to lead him away, leaving me standing there stunned at what just happened. My mother's outburst left me feeling shaken and confused. I wasn't sure what to do first. Find Mom? Follow my dad and Charlie to the study? Check on Bella again? I ran a hand through my hair and let out a gust of air I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

My phone rang then, saving me from having to make a decision. _Alice._

I spent twenty minutes on the phone with my sister, trying to explain to her what I knew. She wanted to come to Forks immediately, but I talked to her out of it. I wanted to wait until Bella woke up and see what she wanted to do. There was no point in having Alice drive all the way out here if Bella and I would be back in Seattle the next day.

I hung up with my sister and decided to go and check on Bella. When I walked in my room, I sensed her awake before I saw her. I moved over to the other side of the bed and crawled in next to her. Her eyes were open, and my stomach rolled at what I saw in them. They were blank, no emotion or expression behind them.

"Edward?" Her voice was hoarse from sleep and her tears.

"Yeah, baby? I'm here." I reached around and pulled her in close to me, taking a deep breath and pulling in her scent, the one I loved so much.

"Take me home."

* * *

**A/N:**

So it was brutal to write and that was part of the reason I couldn't continue down this path. My poor psyche just couldn't take it.

Bella's miscarriage had been the plan from the very beginning of this story - from the very moment I outlined it. I had a hard time letting go of this plot point (and there are at least two people I consulted with who thought I should have gone for it!) and that's part of the reason it took me so long to update - I went back and forth a lot. Ultimately, though, I just couldn't drag B&E (or me) through it. However, this will probably explain some parts of the original story I made a bigger deal about that didn't seem to be a big deal in the end at all. For example, making a big deal of her OB/GYN appointment in the first place and the way Dr. Whitlock kept asking if there was anything she wanted to talk about but never came out and asked her about? Yup, all because the miscarriage was in her records.

Having never been pregnant, I did a lot of internet research about pregnancy and miscarriage and did my best to keep it as realistic as possible. However, I ask for artistic license a bit here too. :)


	7. Alternate Chapter 26

This would have been the next chapter following Alternate Chapter 25. So, um, this is Alternate Chapter 26. (Clever, I know.)

Again, unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

* * *

**EPOV**

We left my parents' house with Bella refusing to speak to my father or hers. She hugged my mother goodbye and stumbled out the front door, only the slight flinching of her body giving any indication that she heard Charlie calling her name behind her. I hurt for both of them, but my allegiance was with Bella. I would not force her to talk to someone who had hurt her so badly, even if I could somewhat understand his reasoning.

The trip home was silent. She allowed me to hold her hand, but that was the extent of our interaction. The minute we got in my car, she reclined the seat back and closed her eyes. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop anywhere to pick her up something to eat, she just shook her head. I stopped anyway since I was starving and got her a cheeseburger and small fries. They went untouched in the bag on the floor under her feet.

Alice was waiting anxiously for us when we arrived back at their apartment. She engulfed Bella in a hug the minute we were through the door, but other than a limp one in return, Bella did not speak to her. When Alice let go, Bella just walked further into the apartment and up the hallway to her room.

My sister had tears in her eyes when she looked up at me. "How is she?"

I shook my head. "Not good. She's said four words to me since I got to Forks. She didn't speak the whole way home."

"Oh, hell. What are we going to do?"

I wish I had an answer to give my baby sister, but the truth was I didn't have the first fucking clue.

"I don't know, Ali. Just…be there for her, I guess. Meet her where she is. Encourage her to talk, to let it out. I…I just don't know."

Alice gave me a hug, which I think was as much for her as it was for me. We separated and I went to Bella.

She was in the shower when I walked in the bedroom. I went to the bathroom door to ask if she needed anything, but found it locked. My heart hurt, and it felt like a kick to the gut to think that she had done something to deliberately keep me out. I sucked it up though, knowing that she probably just needed the time to herself. Crowding her was the last thing I wanted to do.

I changed into my sleep pants and plugged my phone into the charger. Not knowing what else to do with myself, I settled onto the bed and turned on the TV, although I had no intention of watching it. It added some background noise to the room though, which I desperately needed. Normally, silence did not bother me, but having spent the last three hours in the car with silent Bella had my nerves on edge. The locked bathroom door just added to my anxiety.

She exited ten minutes later, clouds of steam following her out. Her face was washed clean and her skin was pale, almost translucent. She had her wet hair up in a bun, and it accented the hollowness in her cheeks. She looked at me, no expression on her face. Her eyes were blank.

"C'mere, baby." I opened my arms to her, waiting for her to come to me.

She did not hesitate, but there was no speed to her steps either. Bella crawled into bed beside me and allowed me to draw her into my arms. I lay back with her against my chest, both of us quiet.

I knew the instant she fell asleep by the way her breathing changed and her body relaxed, if only slightly.

I wasn't surprised when the nightmares came an hour later. The first one was mild compared to some of the others I had seen her have, and it didn't take her long to fall back to sleep. The second one, however, had her running for the bathroom. I sat with her and then helped her back to bed. This time, I asked her if she wanted to take her medication. She did so without complaint.

Pacing the room after she slipped back into what would hopefully be a dreamless sleep for her, I tried to think of a way to help her through this, to make it easier on her. Other than what I had told Alice earlier though, I was coming up blank.

How do you help the love of your life acknowledge and accept the loss of a child she didn't even know she was carrying? How do you help her over the betrayal that her father had known and not told her?

I had to give her time I knew that. It would be difficult, but pushing her wouldn't help the situation either. I would just support her through it and hope that in time, she would open up to me and let me know how to help her.

* * *

Twelve days passed and I was still waiting for that to happen. Bella just continued to sleep walk through life.

"Take me home" were the last words Bella spoke to me without me having to speak to her first. She would answer my questions, she would acknowledge Alice's words, and she would even speak to Jake over the phone when he called to see how she was. However, she no longer initiated conversations. There were no follow up questions to anything we told her. "Yes," "no" and "fine" were her new favorite words. "I don't want to" was her new favorite phrase. Beyond that, there wasn't much else she had to say. She'd shrug; she'd nod or shake her head. Actually carrying on a conversation with her was nearly impossible.

It was difficult to describe how scary it was to watch the woman I loved turn into a zombie in front of my eyes. There were no words to adequately portray the panic, the anxiousness, _the flat out fucking worry_ that I had over Bella's behavior.

I had no idea how to handle it.

She stopped going to her therapy appointments. I hadn't noticed the first few times she missed them because I had been working, but on one of my days off I noticed she wasn't leaving at the time she usually did to get there.

"Baby, don't you have your therapy appointment today?" We were sitting on the couch, where I was watching _Dirty Jobs_ and Bella was grading papers.

"No." She didn't look up as she answered me.

"Did you change the date and time?" I knew I was pressing, but I was getting tired of her one-word answers.

She just shook her head and continued grading.

"Bella?"

Finally, she looked at me. "What?"

"Are you still going to therapy?"

She stared me down for a few minutes before shaking her head.

"Bella…"

"Edward, don't." She looked back down at her papers and picked up her red pen.

I sighed. Part of me was thrilled she even said my name, but I was seriously concerned about the fact that she just stopped going to therapy.

"Are you still taking your meds?" _Please tell me you didn't stop them cold turkey, baby._

She nodded, refusing to raise her head.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, that's good. But, baby, stopping therapy…I don't know if –"

Bella slammed her pen down and threw her papers onto the coffee table. They scattered every which way as she glared at me. "I said _don't_."

"I just want to make sure –"

"Edward, please." The plea in her voice was easy to hear, along with the thickness from her tears.

I didn't have the heart to push her any further. "Okay. Okay."

I turned back to the TV while she got up and went to the bathroom. When she returned, she picked up her papers and we continued on as we were. I pretended not to notice her red-rimmed eyes.

The nightmares also continued, only worse than before. She would have them multiple times a night and no one in the apartment was getting any sleep. When I worked, Alice would stay with her. When I was home, Alice would go to Emmett's and my place to sleep. I would catch what rest I could at the hospital.

Bella was barely sleeping at all.

We hadn't made love since our stay at the Edgewater. She barely let me touch her, much less anything else. The only time I was allowed to hold her was immediately following a nightmare. Otherwise, she didn't touch me and spurned any advance I made toward her. It wasn't even that I wanted to have sex with her, which of course, I always did, but more I just wanted to offer her some sort of comfort and love in any way I could. She was barely excepting it verbally, and not at all emotionally or physically.

Another week passed and very little changed. Bella continued to work, but did not return to therapy. She was talking more, but every conversation was extremely superficial. Anytime myself, Alice or Jake tried to talk to her about her miscarriage, Charlie, or even going back to therapy, she blew us off.

I did my best not to push, not to make her feel as though we were ganging up on her. Alice was on the phone with Jake and my mother constantly, trying to figure out the best way to get Bella to open up to us and make things better. Jake had wanted to come to Seattle and see Bella in person, but didn't want to leave Leah alone, not wanting to be too far from her during her pregnancy. I thought that Jake hearing about Bella's miscarriage caused him to feel overprotective of his wife, even though everything by all accounts was going well with her pregnancy.

My mother's advice was to keep things as normal as possible for Bella, but also to encourage her to talk about her loss and accept it. Not having gotten anywhere with the talking about it, I decided to try to keep things normal and one night over dinner brought up our living arrangements.

"So I was thinking," I said as I sat down at the dining room table with two plates of spaghetti. "I have this weekend off, so what if we call Carmen and have her set up some times for us to go look at apartments?"

We were using the same realtor that Alice had to find her shop. The search for our apartment/condo had been put on hold after our return from Forks, but with my mother's advice ringing in my ear, I decided moving forward might be a good thing for Bella – for all of us.

Bella shrugged. "Oh, yeah, um…I guess."

I bit my tongue holding back a sharp retort. I loved her, but these sentences of hers that told me absolutely nothing were grating on my nerves. "I just thought that we could start looking, see what was out there."

She played with the food on her plate, but didn't eat. "We haven't talked about what we wanted in a place or anything."

"Okay, so let's talk. What do you want?" I kept my tone light as I shuffled pasta into my mouth.

She gave another shrug. "I don't know. Whatever."

It was getting harder to squash my annoyance. "You got to give me more to go on, sweetheart. I need to know what to tell Carmen we're looking for."

"I haven't thought about it, okay? I've had other things on my mind."

My breath caught and held and I wondered if this would be it – finally. "Do you want to talk –"

Her fork hit her plate with a loud clang and she was staring at me with furious eyes. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed."

Before I could say anything further, she was up off her chair and storming up the hallway. I flinched when I heard the bedroom door shut firmly behind her.

I sighed, throwing my own fork down on the table beside my plate. We couldn't go on like this, but I had no idea what to do. Nothing I was doing was working and honestly, I was starting to get pissed that she wouldn't allow me to help her – or worse yet, even help herself.

Suddenly, I was angry. I stood up from the table and marched up the hallway, throwing open the bedroom door. I was done letting her run, and done taking the brunt of her anger when I brought up something she didn't want to deal with. I knew I wasn't doing her any favors by letting her ignoring everything and it certainly wasn't helping our relationship. I was going to get her to talk to me one way or another.

The problem was, she wasn't in the bedroom. She had locked herself in the bathroom once again. I heard the shower running and it took all I had to swallow the urge to bang the door down until we were face to face. I had to calm down in order to have this conversation with her, because no matter how angry I was, it wasn't going to be constructive getting in her face about things. Even _I_ was in a rational enough frame of mind to understand that.

I sat down on her side of the bed, running my fingers through my hair and blowing out a gust of air. I would wait until she got out of the bathroom, and then I would ask her – calmly – if we could finally discuss what she'd been ignoring for three weeks.

I turned my head to look at the bedside clock when my eye caught the open drawer of the nightstand. It was open just enough where I could see inside to the leather bound journal lying there. Immediately turning my head away, I focused my energy on the bathroom door, willing Bella to come out.

I was unable to stop myself from looking back at the open drawer and to the journal lying inside.

_Maybe…_

I shook my head and got up off the bed to begin pacing the room. The thought inside my head was unforgivable, but it didn't stop me from considering it. The journal might hold the key to help Bella.

I would give anything to help her.

I shook my head and decided to remove myself completely from the temptation. I left the bedroom and took my pacing to the living room. The devil and angel sitting on my shoulders accompanied me.

_It might help._

_It's an invasion of privacy._

_But what if there's something in there that can help her deal with this? _

_It's unforgivable._

_I'm a doctor too; maybe if I pretend she's my patient, and I'll contact her therapist…He might be able to help me help her. _

_Have you lost your fucking mind? _

I gripped my hair in both of my hands, my anger and frustration with Bella now transferred to myself. I would do anything to help her –_ anything_.

But at what expense?

* * *

**BPOV**

Anger. Sadness. Numbness.

Anger. Sadness. Numbness.

I had been living with all three emotions for three weeks and none of them seemed to be waning.

I was stuck in a loop, one I had no idea how to get out of. It was comforting in its repetitiveness. And when I got tired of it, I slept. Sleep was my best friend – my only escape from the thoughts constantly slamming through my head.

Except it wasn't much of an escape at all when the nightmares came.

So, I focused on going through life one second at a time. Everything I did was on autopilot.

I spent a lot of time locked in the bathroom, taking showers. With the warm water pouring down over my body, I was able to release some of the tension, some of the tears that I wouldn't let anyone else see.

The moments I locked myself in the bathroom were the times I allowed the thoughts in my head to actually have their say.

_How could I miss someone and grieve for them when I didn't even know they existed? _

_If you had just told them you needed to stop, to rest, that accident never would have happened. Your mother would still be alive and you'd be expecting a child any day now. _

_You killed your baby._

How did one continue to function after thinking all that?

I did what I had to do to get through each day because I had no idea what else to do. I ate. I slept. I went to work. I spoke when I was spoken to. I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to think too much about anything.

Being numb felt better. Even when the anger and sadness bubbled up, I only engaged in those feelings for a short time before I forced myself into back to feeling numb. Numb was easier. I could at least pretend to function when I was numb.

As the days went on, I came out of my shell a bit. It was easier to put on the act of pretending to be okay. I knew I wasn't really fooling anyone, but even I could see the hope in Edward's eyes the first time I initiated a conversation with him. It was only to ask him how work was, but still – I had made the effort.

It was about all I could handle.

Part of me knew I was going about all of it in the wrong way. I knew I should have kept going to see Dr. Whitlock. I should've talked to Edward and told him how I was feeling and those horrible, horrible things that kept running through my mind.

But I knew if I told him, if I actually said it out loud, he would make me deal with it, and I wasn't ready to do that.

I knew I was pushing him away.

And yet, I didn't know how to stop.

I knew if I kept this up, he would leave eventually and it would only be what I deserved. I had killed the people I loved the most, had been lied to by the men I thought I knew.

_Jesus, Bella, could you be anymore freaking dramatic? _

Even I was sick of myself.

Yet, even knowing that, I had no idea how to break through the shell I created. I was afraid if I tried to crack it at all, I would be the one to crack instead.

And then where the hell would I be?

I threw my head back under the water, allowing to drip down my face and over my hair and I tried to figure out what I was going to say when I walked back out of the bathroom and had to confront storming away from Edward and our dinner.

I knew he was reaching the end of his rope; I could see the frustration on his face as he initiated the conversation about moving in together. It wasn't that I didn't want to move in with him anymore, I just didn't have the energy to discuss it. I didn't want to think about finding a place to live, or to have to pack our things, and then unpack them when we got there. Then there was organizing and where did everything go and what did we keep of mine and keep of his and…

Jesus, I was exhausted just thinking about it.

I didn't want to be bothered.

With anything.

I just wanted to sleep. And to be left alone.

_Why can't they just leave me alone?_

I sighed as I shut off the shower. Maybe I could get away with one more night of keeping him at bay, one more night of avoidance and not thinking. Just call me Scarlett O'Hara – after all, tomorrow was another day.

I threw on my robe and was towel drying my hair when I walked into the bedroom to see Edward sitting on the bed.

Holding my journal in his hand.

It was open.

His eyes were guilty, but his gaze was steady as he met mine.

"What are you doing?" My tone was breathless, because I just couldn't grasp what I was seeing.

"Trying to find a way to help you." He placed the journal on the bedside table and stood. He did not move toward me.

"By invading my privacy?" I dropped the towel to the floor as I crossed my arms over my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Edward swallowed and looked at the ground. He stared at it silently for a moment before he raised his head and answered me. "I didn't…I don't know what else to do. You won't talk to me, you won't open up to me. Baby, I'm at a loss and I thought maybe –"

"How could you?" Tears sprang to my eyes, and I shook my head. "Those are my private thoughts, my private feelings. If I had wanted you to know, I would have told you."

"Bella, you're wasting away, and you're not helping yourself. I'm sorry, but I did the only thing I could think of to try –"

"I don't want you to try! I just want to be left the hell alone!" I shouted, my words echoing in the room.

Edward's jaw clenched and his eyes burned with undisguised frustration. "Not gonna happen, baby. I'm not going to let you do this."

"So you decide that reading my private thoughts and invading my privacy is how you're going to get me to talk to you, to open up to you? You're a freaking genius, Cullen, because that's exactly what I want to do now." My sarcastic words rolled off my tongue and his eyes widened in surprise before narrowing in anger.

"I didn't feel like I had any other choice. I know you want to be left alone, but I'm not going to let you withdraw into yourself. I worked too hard to get you to open up to me without letting this fucking come between us. I won't allow you –"

"You won't _allow_ me? Oh, that's rich. That's just freaking beautiful. You don't control me, or what I do. If I want to talk to you about anything, I will. If I don't, you can't make me. I don't look at you for permission to do anything, nor do I need it. And it's your mistake if you think otherwise."

Edward opened his mouth and then snapped it shut. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. It was a few tense seconds before he opened them again and took a deep breath. "Look, it was a bad choice of words, and I shouldn't have said that I allow you to do anything. All I'm trying to say is that we've both worked hard to get to a point in our relationship where we could open up and trust each other and you not talking to me, not sharing things with me, is not helping the situation. I can't help you, Bella, if I don't know what you're thinking."

"Did you ever think that I just want to deal with things on my own for awhile? Did it ever occur to you that if I wanted help, I would ask for it?" I was practically vibrating with anger as we faced off across the room from each other.

Edward shook his head. "I know that you're used to dealing with things on your own, but you don't have to do that anymore. I'm here, and I want to help you through this. I know the miscarriage –"

I whirled away. "I'm not talking about this. I'm not going to do it. This is not about…that. This is about you invading my privacy."

I could hear him as he crossed the room, but I wasn't quick enough to avoid his grasp as he took my elbow and firmly turned me so I faced him. "No, no. You don't get to do that. I know what I did was wrong, but I was desperate. And I was desperate because you're avoiding the elephant in the room and I'm not going to let you do it anymore."

I wrenched my elbow from his grasp and crossed the room so we were further apart. "I'm not talking about this with you. You have no right –"

"I have every right as the man who loves you! I'm just trying to get you to open up to me, and as usual, when I try to do that, you do anything you can to avoid it. But avoiding it isn't helping, Bella. You can't keep sweeping any unpleasantness under the rug and pretend it isn't there and it didn't happen."

"I'm not-"

"You are! It's all you do! Bella, I'm terrified that one of these days you're just going to crack and I'm not going to be able to save you from what's going to be one hell of a breakdown."

"I don't need you to save me!"

"Fuck baby, you need someone to save you because you're nothing but one big goddamn mess."

It was like he had slapped me. I think I would have been less surprised and hurt by an actual physical blow than I was by his words. Something in me shut down. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I just stared at him for a good minute.

Then I got pissed.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Bella, I'm -"

"Get out."

He took a step toward me and I was tempted to step back, but I held my ground.

"Baby - "

"Get out."

He shook his head and took another step forward. "I'm not -"

"Get. Out. Now."

I had no idea what my face looked like, but my words were cold, hard and hit the air with force. Whether it was my expression or my words, or a combination of both, he stopped moving forward.

"I -"

"Leave."

When he didn't move, I kicked my chin up a notch and raised an eyebrow. I waited and he still didn't move. With a slight nod of my head, I moved passed him, careful that no part of me touched any part of him and walked out to the living room and through the kitchen to the door. I opened it, and turned.

I didn't say a word.

Edward followed me, but stopped when he reached the kitchen. He stared at the floor and then looked up at me. His mouth was set in a tight, thin line and he was breathing heavily. His eyes never left mine as he walked toward me and reached out - for the door or for me, I couldn't tell.

I stepped back, opening the door further, my eyes never leaving his. He sighed and ran another hand through his hair.

"This isn't over." His jaw was clenched and I could see the pain and anger in his eyes.

I moved, shutting the door as it pushed him out. Just before I couldn't see him anymore, I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Consider this me being saved...from you."

* * *

**A/N:**

Holy hell, I must have been in one angsty, angry mood when I wrote this. DAMN.

Unfortunately, that's as far as I got (I know, even I kinda want more now!) Off the top of my head, what I imagine was going to happen from here was this:

Bella survives on her anger for a few days, refusing to take Edward's calls or see him when he shows up at the apartment. She barely speaks to Alice, who does her best to stay neutral. Then one night in the shower she starts thinking and her thoughts go in a really dark, dark direction. That is what finally snaps her out of her funk - she realizes just how close to rock bottom she is. She returns to therapy. She talks to Edward. They slowly work their way back to each other. Eventually, trust is rebuilt and they move forward. I imagine this is the point where the real Chapter 26 and the epilogue would come in. HEA. The. End. :)


End file.
